Festival Season is Here! For The Love of God…Wash Your Ass!

woman pinches nose with fingers looks with disgust something stinks bad smell

The weather has started to warm up in the Southern half of the United States.  Plane tickets have been booked.  You’ve waited in TSA lines with all types of people ranging from happy, grumpy, sleepy, agitated or super-chatty.  Sometimes they were talking to you, other times you had the pleasure of listening to their phone conversations with others.   Some of you decided to make the most of it and experience and epic road trip full of weekend warriors, RV’s, and locals cruising 20 mph below the speed limit.  Oh, the joy of traveling.

You made it to your destination and more than likely endured another line to check into your hotel or maybe you had alternative arrangements. Regardless, you made it. You have just but a little bit of time to enjoy the city you are visiting until it’s the big day, Rave Day.

On Rave Day you remember to bring your ticket that cost you anywhere from $350 to $1250 (for the ballers). You put on your outfit you created or purchased.  Both time and money you invest into this magical day. Transportation to the event is another cost but hey, who’s counting, it’s Rave Day!

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All the rave day pitfalls have been crossed.  All the hurdles have been jumped. You did your job. Damn it, be proud.  You even made it on time to see your favorite DJ. And guess what? Your favorite DJ is coming through.  Transitions on point and the crowd is going crazy.

And then it happens…

As you look up to the sky in absolute happiness, the smell of corn chips, Funions and ten-day-old mildew laundry hits both nostrils with a karate kick.

 

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What just happened? You’re confused and almost in tears, wondering who caused this terrorist attack on your senses.  And then you realize it.  It’s the guy next to you who smells as if he hasn’t showered in weeks aka Mr. I Don’t Wash My Ass. His armpits are ripe and singing “Hallelujah!” right into your nose and mouth.  Your epic memory and moment has been ruined.

Look Mr. Stinky Person, I have a bone to pick with you.  People paid good money to attend these events.  We want to experience the magic and wonder of the festival.  We all want to enjoy the world-class sounds from the bands, MC’s and DJ’s.  What we do not want is your body odor throat punching us with the five fingers of death.

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This year, try this novel idea called soap and water.  You can even buy soap at your local corner store, gas station, CVS/Walgreens, Walmart…It’s everywhere! It’s also not that expensive.

Irish Spring, Zest, Old Spice, Axe, Suave won’t even cost you the price of a drink. If you do want to splurge, try No 88 or Blenheim Bouquet Bar.  You might even make a new friend or two. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Take care of you body homie and wash that stank off!

 

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